I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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