i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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