If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
