the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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