My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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