Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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