handjob tips. give me some.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
