I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just invented taco cereal.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
