I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
