I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
