I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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