I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
