Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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