Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
