i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
