I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
