i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
