So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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