I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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