I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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