She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
