Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She said her name was "party"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
