she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
