just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
