today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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