booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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