$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
