pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
