whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
