im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
