I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
