i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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