I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
