Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
