Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
