You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize