The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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