he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
