somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
