He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
