Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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