I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
