Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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