Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
