well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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