If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
