Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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