People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
