I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
