I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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