When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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