Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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