Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
