Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
