Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
