I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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