Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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