I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
