NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
