I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize