she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
