I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
