totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
