after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
