so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
