haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
