just survived the first fart of the relationship.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
