you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
