He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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