I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
