your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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