My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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